This article posted on News Week pretty much sums up what I’ve been feeling for some time. Sure, some of us have taken liberties in our acquisitions. But it’s not as if we’re the first to do so. In fact, Greed has been a guest to humanity’s hearts time and time again since the first caveman realized he could live more comfortably by taking his daily bread instead of earning it.
In fact, the greediest ones can and will willingly admit to this sin, “the public be damned!” as the rogue William H Vanderbilt is so famously quoted. We can because we, through our acquisitions, have the power to fend off any petty rejoinder. And we will because, well why the hell not?! What else would we do with the billions in our cushy Swiss bank accounts? Certainly we can’t spend it; one can’t have their cake and eat it too! And if we can’t spend it then the most fun to be had is using it for bragging rights!
And so I would like to announce to the world that I, BurnMadHuff, am entirely proud of and content with my actions. In the coming week, I will announce to the world the exact, incredible number that sits nicely on the bottom line of my collective bank account. Be sure to cook yourself a nice dish of Ramen noodles with extra chicken seasoning for when I do.
Well over $75,000,000,000 dollars, if you must know. It doesn’t take much to convince a few bigots here and there to knock down the reported sum. Did it ever occur to you that $50 billion might have just been a nice and neat number to report as how much I was able to swindle before the pigs caught up to me? Well I’ll let you use your imagination as to where difference lies.
You see, someone has to act as a light to guide the masses in embourgeoisement. A light like the Steel Butterfly, bless her heart.
They sure as hell better not have done anything to him. I’ll do anything in my power, which is quite considerable mind you, to see my Bull again. I will rescue you from the brute hands of those terrible U.S. Marshals and ride you once again Bull, I swear. I’m gonna shine you myself… hmm actually I’ll hire a professional crew to do you right. Before you know it, I’ll be caressing your tender wheel and we’ll be sparkling along the Treasure Coast, speeding so fast no one will catch us. This inspires me! I’m gonna get a hook and become the feared pirate Captain Hook, except my hook will be better: it will be able to fly from me to retrieve whatever I want!
Oh how delightful fishing will be, hehe! I only have to pull a few strings, and before you know it, I’ll be there suckers! See you on the waves… oh well I guess you don’t have an antique luxury yacht, do you. Whoops! Sucks for you!
He smiled at me today!!! I was walking to gym from math class. I really love working out, helps me focus on being healthy and having fun. So I was all like excited to be in school, which is totally off the charts for a typical day.. but anyway I guess I was just smiling too and thinking about how nice the day was and he walked by and saw me smiling at him and then smiled back! I’m going to try that again, but at lunch this time. Never seen him going to gym before, but I usually see him in the other line while I’m waiting in the underclassmen line to get food. I think I usually look pretty pissed then, cause EVERYONE has to cut the fuckin line cause they were late cause they were making out or chatting with their friends in the hallway too long. Ass holes. So my green eyes are probably pretty livid as my mother always tells me. She says it shows my spirit but my friends say its really intimidating. I’ll just focus on turning my green eyes on him and maybe he’ll at least look back.. omg what if he comes to sit with me!!
It worked! He sat down with me and everything! Well I guess we didn’t make out in the middle of the cafeteria, but he did talk to me.. even if it was kinda awkward cause I kept glaring at the butter face blonde who sat down across from me and I know was playing footsie with him cause one time her leg brushed mine and he glanced up from his food and looked off in the distance like he’d just wet his pants. Or maybe he was indulging in the mint chocolate truffles he brings from home.. his parents are “independent chocolatiers”.. so jealous..
OH MY GOD. FUCK HER AND FUCK HIM BOTH. HARD. I KNEW they were playing footsie.. I saw them sitting together at the football game tonight. So I found my stalker (he’s everyone’s stalker though) who always brings cheap ass mini bottles of alcohol to bribe people for.. sex probably. Jerk. And sat directly in front of the two of them and chugged.. I don’t know but a lot of them but I got kinda sloppy with the guy and suggested we all have an orgy on the bleachers and they kinda got up like they were about to leave and then I don’t really remember what happened.. I completely lost my inhibitions about not glaring like my mother says and practically burned a hole straight through both of their souls.. I think it even went up to the announcer cause the team from out of town scored sometime around then and I know I heard him curse “Falcon Shits!” across the loudspeakers.. that was really satisfying at least.. but I had to run after that cause I’m pretty sure security saw what happened and was coming over so I just split for the woods. I’m writing this from my Ipad.. not sure what the next step is.. for now I think I’ll just run. I feel like I know where I’m going.. was in these woods with my friends one time when they were all telling sickening stories about their first times and I just walked off to look around. So done with all this.. future, here I come!!
Hello again mortals!
As release of the game draws within striking distance, the Seven Deadlies have expressed to Crankshaft Games that they’d like to share a bit about their collective self. What will follow on this blog will be excerpts from their diaries that I, acting as their editor, have selected for publication.
Today we have a set of entries from Gluttony, who I found to be the best writer of the lot, for whatever reason. Enjoy!
Smelled it again today. I swear they must have picked up a new chef, one of them French friars or something… the last time somethin’ made my stomach gurgle that loudly was when my roommate… Jam, er, James I think his name was… James and me snuck into the dining hall at night and deep-fried three boxes of Oreos, a cheesecake, and some brownies his friend had sold to us. The bastard wouldn’t let me eat any of ‘em till we’d fried ‘em all and snuck back to the safety of our dorm room to have a quick pre-meal smoke before gorging ourselves silly. None of the stalls flushed after that night… we must have driven the poor cleaning lady mad by the end of the semester.
That memory sparks a little warm burn in my heart even today. But this… this is complete hell! I haven’t eaten meat for two weeks now. Hmpf. I’m gonna grab myself some ice cream and a couple, three beers. brb..
I made a deal with myself that I could eat anything, just as long as it’s vegetarian. The doc said my cholesterol and fat levels were getting too high, and when I finally started clocking out at just over 750 pounds, I conceded he might have a point. He wanted me to do all these things like exercise and diet. I asked what the single easiest thing I could do would be, and we eventually agreed going vegetarian was my best bet. So that was it. No more meat.
Christ, if only that little bean-pole had been there to get a whiff of whatever they’re cooking in there. I’m sure he’d give me a waiver for the night. You know what, that’s it. Tomorrow I’m gonna go in there and find out. Not gonna eat a bite of it. I just gotta know what the hell it is!
So here we are. The meat and me. I bought all the most expensive cuts they had. If I’m gonna do this, might as well make it one last gourmet feast to be remembered always, repeated never. I’m gonna taste and record exactly how each bite feels in my mouth so that in the coming years – my god is it going to be years until I can ever eat meat again? Christ save me – I’ll be able to read through these pages and imagine the whole thing all over again. I know! I’ll prepare each steak differently!
First, Montreal-style smoked meat for the brisket. This one’s gonna take a week to soak up all the seasonings I’ll put on it. I’ll have to start all the cuts now, but that means I can’t eat them until next week! Damn this obsession. Let’s see, what other style meats should I cook? Ah, of course, filet mignon. I can do that one on the day I put all this together. Hmm… I’ll have to keep thinking on this.
6 grilled cuts, 6 smoked, and 6 pounds of meatloaf. The meatloaf was a last minute inspiration. I realized that by the time I sat down to eat these, only a fraction would still be warm! The crown roast took a lot longer than I expected; the recipe I used recommended watercress, so of course I had to go into town searching for an hour to find any. That stuff’s hard to find! So now at least half the meat’s cold and I’ve decided I need to heat it up in the oven. That’s where the meatloaf comes in. Combined, the cuts form a mass almost too big to cram in the oven. I’m gonna have to form them into one solid object, roughly in the shape of a cube. The meatloaf will hold them all together so they don’t fall apart. I used extra egg and pureed the meat to make it a better adhesive. Let’s get this baby in one piece!
K, all together now. Now to cook it… I guess I’ll just put it in the oven all at once? Here goes! Not sure if this’ll work, kinda guessed the cooking time. We’ll find out! Checked it and everything looks good. Checked it again, flipped it. Hmm, gonna flip it onto all six sides. Might lose some meat juice from all that manipulation but can’t risk getting any section raw or overdone. WOW it’s beautiful! Perfectly
browned, maybe a little blackened on the corners but that’s fine. SHIT. I can’t cut into it. Somehow it got cooked solid. Can’t even tell if it’s done on the inside! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SCREW THIS IM EATING IT WHOLE
I’m writing this from the hospital. I can’t feel anything except the ends of my legs and the upper half of my head. When I run my hands under really hot water I can feel that too. The doc told me what happened, but I honestly couldn’t remember any of it. Apparently I managed to shove a massive cube of meat down my throat and then run around town on a mindless rampage eating anything that looked slightly edible. I have vague memories of sitting in my front lawn noming on some really yummy dandelions when I realized that it had been two weeks since I’d experienced Cicero’s everything pizza. After that it’s kinda a blur. They won’t give me anything but tiny little servings of this mushy stuff that they say will help my digestion. I guess it’s better than nothing but I wish they’d at least give me a couple buckets of the stuff. Christ knows they’re getting paid enough.
I’m sneaking out. I’ve got it pretty much figured out. At night they leave me alone except when I gotta go to bed and partway through. Then in the morning for breakfast of course. I can get outa here in between when they put me to bed and the next time they come in. They’re not doin’ me any good anyway. They just run tests and bring in some doctor who hasn’t seen me yet, who makes the same damn exclamation the others do, then goes back to being professional but with this shocked look. Apparently the thing isn’t digesting at all. It’s roughly 3.5 feet cubed and about 35 pounds. One of ‘em mentioned cutting it outa me but I threatened to eat each and every one of them if they did. That scared ‘em. I think they believed me. Anywho, the hunger’s startin’ to get the better of me. I can’t really think straight anymore. Gotta get out. As I recall there was this really beautiful ruin of a cathedral I thought about taking a picnic to. Can’t really remember just where it was but I think if I go there and maybe pray to God or the devil or whoever will listen, maybe they can help me get the thing out without cutting me up. Can’t say I wouldn’t eat it again though..
It’s been a long time since we last run a post. We have been extremely busy with prepping our pitches to distribution companies, that updates were put on the back burner. I also have put the Sin Evolution Profiles on the backburner as well because our artists flooded the forums with so much content. However, we are back online and ready to post some new content.
This week, we are finishing our last sin evolution with Sloth, the sin of laziness. As you can see in picture below, Sloth was made to look sleepy and was given a light color pallet to communicate her calmness. I am sure most of you are thinking “What is that evil-looking teddy bear in her hand?” That is her melee weapon. Much like Gluttony’s Fork Stab, Sloth has the Teddy Slap.
Sloth actually didn’t go through much evolution during our character design stage. Sloth’s bonnet and permanently closed eyes made her look even more tired and slow. Since Sloth is the sin of laziness, we figured she would be fun to play with the theme of “slowness”. This is where Sloth’s special ability and super power come into play. Sloth’s special ability allows her to shoot a blast of energy that slows down everything it hits. This requires proper aiming on the player’s part and a great power to use when two sins are racing for a valuable item.
Sloth’s super power is a little different than her special ability because it can only be used when full energy is accumulated. This over-the-top power allows her to slow every player, enemy and prop down while she moves at regular speed. This gives Sloth the advantage when it comes to stealing kills and items from fellow players as well as escaping swarms of enemies.
Sloth’s super power has also led to the development of some pretty unique puzzles. For example, a conveyor belt in Purgatory may be moving too fast for a player to jump on, Sloth can slow it down for a specific amount of time and allow sins to cross. This will require the cooperation of fellow players in coop mode or, if you are playing alone, a quick sin-swap in mid-puzzle.
This concludes our 7 sin evolution series. We will be moving into more content oriented posting here on out. This will be anything from screenshots, concepts, videos and so on. We will also be releasing explanatory footage to help you guys understand the dynamics of the game. Check out our website for even more updates and news about where we will be, and what is happening over at Crankshaft Games.
Check out our website for an environmental guessing game…
Alex & co.
What do you guys think?